Bozemanite Idiots

Bozeman: a beautiful scenic city nestled in the Gallatin Valley only a drive away from Yellowstone National Park and a few minutes away from two excellent skiing locations. Home to Montana State University, Museum of the Rockies with paleontologist Jack Horner, and a grand Main Street with many attractions and stores, Bozeman is quite possibly one of the most beautiful cities in the country. But underneath the grandeur of the city, there lies a deep, disturbing problem. I’m not talking about the homeless problem or the liberal hippies spreading their ideologies to other people, I’m talking about the number or morons in the city. First off, there are the numbers of horrible, horrible drivers. They are quite possibly the worst drivers I have ever encountered. I’ve driven through Denver, Houston, Dallas, and other major cities in the Midwest and South. Although the cities listed have a denser vehicle population on the roads, they at least know how to drive properly. Not only is Bozeman limited to idiots who drive, but also has idiots in general. These idiots include the bicyclists riding their bikes without a care in the world, and worse… the annoying girl in my statistics class.
It was a cold, white and snowy afternoon. The sun broke through allowing the sunlight to spot the city. I had to make a trip to Wal-Mart, so I decided to get onto Kagy, proceed to Wilson, then make it to Wilson, turn onto Main, then turn onto 7th Avenue all the way to Wal-Mart. As I was waiting to make a left-hand turn onto Main Street from Wilson, I noticed a car trying to parallel park in front of the Bozeman Hotel. He was doing everything properly. I then noticed an early model white Subaru Outback that pulled up right behind it. I was behind 2 other cars waiting for the green light to turn left. Once we received the green light, the line started to drive onto Main Street. As soon as I was about to get into the center lane on Main heading westbound, the man in the white Subaru decided he didn’t want to wait anymore and without looking drove right into my lane, causing me to swerve my SUV into the oncoming lanes of traffic. My tires were squealing while I made an abrupt and sharp left turn followed by an abrupt and sharp right turn. Another story, although not quite as exciting, was when I was driving to Belgrade for a doctor’s appointment. I was on 19th Avenue heading north towards I-90. When I was a few blocks away from the Ford dealership, the driver to my left, who had to have seen me since I was right next to him, kept on swerving into my lane almost hitting me a few times. I had to avoid him by swerving onto the shoulder multiple times. It might just be me, but Bozeman drivers seem to have their heads shoved up their asses while driving because they don’t seem to pay attention to what’s going on around them. What really grinds my gears are the drivers who drive 10 mph below the speed limit. Every time I drive in Bozeman, especially when I’m in a 45 mph zone, the drivers in front of me want to go 35 mph. Now, I’m all for safe driving, obeying the law, and driving to what conditions would allow, but if it’s 63 degrees outside, the sun shining, and the roads as dry as it can be, I’m PRETTY sure that you can go 45 mph without repercussions. The main strip of road that I’m always forced to go 35 mph when the speed limit is 45 mph is the part of 19th Avenue South that stretches from College Street all the way down to Kagy.
Moving on to the other idiots in Bozeman, another group is the bicyclists. When I drive and I’m at a crosswalk or intersection, I’m forced to slam on my brakes just for the bicyclists who don’t know that they’re supposed to follow the same rules as if they were driving a car. This is backed up by police officers. They are supposed to stop at stop signs and obey all rules of traffic. Instead, these people think that since they are on a bicycle, they can do whatever they want on the road. Most of these people are smart enough to use the bicycle lane, but some of these morons, whom I like to call douche bags, don’t even bother to obey ANY laws. If I drive over a bicyclist late at night because they don’t have a light or reflectors on their bike and are not practicing safe biking, then they deserve to get run over by me in my giant earth destroyer, a.k.a. SUV. My thinking is, if they’re dumb, they probably deserve to get killed, or at least seriously injured. They need to learn a lesson. To me, they’re like children, and in order to make sure that they behave, you need to spank them once in a while; or in their case, run them over with my giant tires.
Now to idiots in general. There’s a girl in my stats class who annoys the CRAP out of me. First off, she never shows up for class and when the rare occasion comes where she does show up to class all she does is ask stupid questions. Every time we have to take a test, the day we review she asks the professor, “Steve? Do we have to do this?” or “Can it be open book, Steve?” or “Do we really have to do this? This is hard! *insert stupid girly laugh here*” Not only is she annoying when she asks questions, but she has a very, very, very high pitched voice. She has the voice of an 8 year old little girl, only louder and more intolerable. This entire week, we’ve been working in the computer lab on our final project for the class. The week before we started working on the project, she blatantly said aloud in class, “Steve? Do we really have to do this shit?” By “shit,” of course she meant the project. What’s that stupid annoying girl? You don’t want to do the project? Oh, that’s okay, you don’t have to! I mean, if you want to pass the class, then you might want to think about doing it, but otherwise, don’t worry about it! She needs to get her proverbial “shit” together and stop her bitching. Also, the last day we could work on the project in the computer lab, she came in late and was throwing a temper tantrum about how her computer wasn’t working. First off, the fricken’ computer wasn’t even turned on!!! What kind of idiotic retard doesn’t check to make sure the computer is on in the first place? Corky from Life Goes On and Gomer Pyle are smarter than her! On top of that, she kept on asking her stupid questions to anyone and everyone in the class to get help. Two days before that incident, we were in the computer lab starting our projects. She forgot to do her homework, as did I, but I knew what I was doing, whereas she didn’t have a clue. Here’s how the conversation turned out to be when she asked me for help after the professor helped her with the Excel portion of the homework on the second out of two problems.
Stupid girl: “Hey, how do you this problem? I don’t know how to do this shit on Excel.”
Me: “Which one?”
Her: “The one about marijuana.”
Me: “You don’t need to do the first problem in Excel.”
Her: “Steve told me I need to.”
Me: “He was referring to number two.”
Her: “Okay, well how do you do it?”
Me: “Which one?”
Her: “The first one on Excel.”
Me: “I told you that you don’t need to do the first problem on Excel. It’s by hand.”
Her: “Well how do you do this one?”
Me: “You do it by hand.” (I proceeded to attempt to help her)
Her: “No, this one.” (Pointing to the other problem)
Me: “You told me you needed help on the other problem.”
Her: “No, this one!”
Me: “You’re pointing to number two.”
Her: “….STEVE!!! He said you did the problem wrong!!!”
Me: “I never said he did the problem wrong, I said that you were doing the wrong problem.”
Her: “Steve!! I need help! You did the problem wrong!”
Me: “Again, I never said that.”

After thinking about what it would be like if she was suddenly struck in the head with my computer monitor, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get any work done the entire class period. I kept on thinking: Is it possible for any person to be that stupid? I mean, come on, I’ve met a lot of idiots before, but holy crap, I had no clue people could be so stupid without being considered mentally retarded. Thank God I don’t sit directly next to her in class otherwise I’d have migraine headaches after class every day. One must wonder though: is there someone special for everyone on earth? Is there a divine plan that links someone to the person they are destined to be with for the rest of their lives? If so, then may God have mercy on that poor man’s soul, for he will be forever annoyed for the rest of his life if he ever marries her.
In summary, the beauty of Bozeman is an evil cloak that shrouds what lies beneath: the that idiots can be found everywhere. Drivers, bicyclists, and the annoying retard in my statistics class are enough evidence to show how Bozeman is the Mecca of morons.